This is a rant post – I’m not looking for any sympathy or anything I just need to vent
I have written briefly about the struggle behind parenting with a disability before here on my blog. I don’t really talk about my Illnesses much, it has never been something I want to bring light and talk about. So you may be wondering what this post is about, this is going to be a bit of a rant. I just need to get how I’m feeling off my chest and this is my safe place to do exactly that. Life has kicked me down the last couple of days and I just need to rant so sorry.
I try not to complain about how hard life is because I know other people living with the same issues as me but who are struggling so much more. However, when I have really bad days like I am experiencing at the moment its hard to look at the positives.
So before I continue let me give you a little back story on how I ended up being totally unable to move my lower body. We went to visit family this weekend, so we all decided we would go down to Hunstanton Beach for a walk. We had so much fun, Baby bear had so much fun splashing in the sea and we had such a laugh with everyone it was amazing. However, we were walking on uneven floor for around 2 hours. I then walked into town with my cousin and her friend that evening for a couple of cocktails. We haven’t been out together for so long it was so fun and very much needed time to be me not just mumma. We then went for another 2-hour walk around Kings Lynn Town center Saturday for a treasure hunt which again was so much fun until about 20 minutes before we got back to my aunts the pain in my knees and hips become so painful I was struggling to walk.
We come home Saturday night and I was in so much pain I physically couldn’t move my legs or stand on my own. Daddy Bear had to carry me around the house, lift me into the car and then carry me into our house and to our bed. Its been a long time since I’ve needed this much help and it sucks. I hate feeling like a burden and replying so heavily on others to help me do normal daily activities. I also hate taking painkillers but its the only thing that somewhat helps. My legs have never been this swollen before its scary.
I hate the fact my body fails me at such simple tasks. I’m 22 yet I feel like an 80-year-old woman struggling to walk, being in constant pain, needing help doing simple tasks. I just want to be ‘normal’, like every other 22-year-old, like every other mum.
I know it will get better but right now life is shit and I hate my body. This is a bit of a rubbish post but I needed to get it off my chest before it drives me crazy.