Ectopic Pregnancy – Not what We Wanted.

loss hurts

So if you have been following my Instagram and blog updates on our recent pregnancy you will know it didn’t go to plan. Our PUL turned into an Ectopic Pregnancy. As you will know from the last update we were waiting 5 days before having 1 more BHCG and scan before the hospital gave me the Methotrexate Injection to help terminate the pregnancy and stop it growing any more. This is when we still thought it was a PUL but that quickly changed.

It was the last thing I wanted to do, carry our baby for 5 days knowing the end was so close. However, I was kind of happy we got 5 more days with them, 5 more days to say goodbye, 5 more days to cuddle my belly, speak to the baby and tell them just how much we wanted them and how sorry we were for doing it but I knew deep down it was something that had to happen. As a mumma, it feels so unnatural to put me over my child but I know it was something I needed to do to make sure I stayed around for Baby bear. I had to focus on the fact he needs me to be here for him.

If I’m being honest I kept putting off thinking about what was happening. I didn’t want to think about the fact I was having to say goodbye to our Baby. Looking back, I wish I would have made the most of them 5 days we had left because they were cut short and now all I wish for is them 2 extra days back with our baby. Our time was cut short when I took myself into the hospital to get checked over after being woken up doubled over in pain.

Well, it kind of started on Saturday night when Daddy bear and I were watching TV. All of a sudden I had this really sharp pain just above my right hip bone but after taking some pain killers and a little time it went away. I didn’t think anything of it, to be honest, I’d had so many pains throughout the pregnancy it wasn’t worrying anymore if it went away. However, it come back at 4.30 am Monday even worse, it woke me up. I was doubled over in pain struggling to breathe because of the pain and it didn’t go away with pain killers as it did Saturday. I think deep down I know something was wrong but I didn’t want to think the worse so I just tried to ignore it, It kind of worked until I needed to get up to get Baby bear ready for nursery and I could barely stand up straight. As much as I didn’t want to I knew I needed to get checked over so after taking Baby bear to nursery I headed over the hospital. I’m lucky enough to have an amazing friend who came with me so I wasn’t alone and I’m so glad she did because I couldn’t have imagined what happened next.

ectopic pregnancy
Keeping me smiling.

Our fertility doctor was the doctor on call which was good as he already knew what was going on with my pregnancy. After examining me, he thought I would need surgery due to it being an Ectopic pregnancy. He explained he wanted a scan done to see what we could see and a load of blood work done. From there it was a whirlwind, after the scan it all happened really quickly. We still couldn’t find the pregnancy on the scan but we did find more fluid in my cervix and pelvis as well as a mass on my right ovary. It was confirmed I needed surgery. When the surgeon come round to talk to me she explained how they couldn’t tell very much from the scan in the sense of knowing how bad my tube was damaged, exactly how much blood there was but they did know there was more blood than 3 days before.

The surgeon explained that if my tube was only slightly damaged they could try and fix it after removing the pregnancy. However, if it was badly damaged or if they thought they couldn’t fix it without putting us a risk of having another Ectopic pregnancy in the future they would have to remove my tube. She also explained depending on what they found in and around my right ovary they may have to remove it as well as the tube. I was heartbroken, the same questions circled around in my head…

What about our future? Will we be able to have more children? Will this happen again?

After phone calls to Daddy bear and Nanny, a lot of needles, blood tests, form signing, crying, doctors, and nurses it was time to go down for surgery. We were lucky enough to have my parents come up straight away to help us with Baby bear while Daddy bear stayed at the hospital with me. I don’t remember much once I woke up from my surgery, all I knew is I wanted my baby back. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare and I wanted to be at home with Daddy bear and our babies.

ectopic pregnancy
Needles, forms, doctors, nurses, and tears.

I was so desperate to be at home I made sure they discharged me Tuesday so I could just be at home with my family. We were lucky enough Daddy bear’s work was really understanding and my parents stayed the whole week with us to help with everything. Before we headed home. the surgeon came round to talk to us about what they had found. They didn’t do it once I had woke up from the surgery the night before as I was so upset and out of it, they didn’t want to make it worse for us. She told us that when they got in there they found a lot of blood and bleeding from my right tube. They were able to find the pregnancy, it was in my tube and it was badly damaged so she had to remove my fallopian tube with the baby inside it. She explained both my ovaries where a nice size, healthy-looking, and my left tube looked healthy as well as my womb so she doesn’t see why we wouldn’t be able to have another baby in the future.

surgery
Ectopic Pregnancy Surgery.

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words, thoughts, and prayer. It means so much to us knowing we are surrounded by so many supportive people in our lives. You all have been amazing so thank you again x

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