Me and Daddy bear are always trying to find new ways of improving and maintaining our relationship. This isn’t to say its bad but we believe it is something that needs constant work to keep it healthy. If I’m being honest there is always an aspect that could do with a little improvement to keep our relationship healthy and work for us.
Just a little note before I continue, this post may be a little TMI so if you don’t want to hear about what works for our sex life and relationship maybe this ones not for you. If that doesn’t bother you then enjoy…
I find even after 7 years together I am still learning things about Daddy bear and visa versa. As we have got older, had Baby bear, moved into our family home we have found what we like and what we need from each other has changed. Obviously, our priorities, responsibilities are different now and let’s be honest we don’t have as much time to give to each other anymore. Joys of having a house, job and a child I guess (but we wouldn’t change it for the world).
We find it really helpful to constantly communicate what we need and enjoy from each other. And before I go any further this isn’t always just about sex it can be simple things like needing to be touched, cuddled, kisses told we are loved and even helped with the housework/looking after Baby bear. All these things are just as important as your sex life. I found learning each others love languages really helped with this as it taught us what each other needed the most from the other.
What are love languages you may ask? I had never heard of it either until I was scrolling through Facebook during nap time (we have all spent nap time mindlessly scrolling Facebook instead of using our time wisely) and found an article about it. Basically, there are 5 different love languages which explain how you feel loved and connect with others. The 5 languages are:
- Words of Affirmation – Showing love and affection through words, praise, and appreciation.
- Acts of Service – Using your actions to show and receive love. Such as, helping with the housework.
- Receiving Gifts – Giving and receiving gifts no matter how small.
- Quality Time – Spending time with the person you love no matter how little.
- Physical Touch – Having physical contact. Such as touching arms when sitting together, putting your hand on them as you walk past, cuddling.
Everyone’s language is different, there are so many online tests you can take to learn yours. But I found as soon as I learned Daddy bears it helped our relationship. As we now know that I feel loved when he speaks words of affirmation to me and he feels most loved when I give him physical touch. This being said this doesn’t mean because we are fulfilling each other love languages we don’t need our sex life to be good because let me tell you no matter how much your love language is fulfilled you still need that intimacy between each other.
Another thing we have learned is that our intermate relationship isn’t all about sex either. It is a range of things that go outside the bedroom too. It is things like wearing underwear you know the other person likes and find attractive and compliments you in (sadly this isn’t my big, comfty ‘granny’ knickers as Daddy bear calls them). I find when I wear a nicer set of underwear it makes me feel more confident in myself which then obviously Daddy bear picks up on. I also feel better when I have painted nails, hair and makeup done. This doesn’t get done every day because let’s be honest I don’t have the energy, time every day and I can’t be bothered sometimes. However, the few times a week it does happen I know Daddy bear enjoys coming home to see me feeling good about myself.
The last 2 things we find are good for us and our relationship is, having time to do our own thing and communication. Even though Daddy bear works weekdays, we have found it good for us that he has a night out, each week doing something he enjoys that doesn’t involve me or Baby bear. Before we moved he use to play darts for a team each week so this isn’t a new thing we have been doing but now he has found something else to do. Not only does this give him time away from home life (it’s not a bad thing) but it also gives me time to do what I want (mainly watching tv, writing blogs and painting my nails…fun life I lead).
Communication is also a huge part of a relationship. We always try to tell each other whats going on in our heads and not bottle things up, given it doesn’t always happen and we do argue (we are human after all) but by doing this we find it really helps us stay on the same page with everything while also letting the other person know if something they are doing (usually trying to help or make the other person feel better) is actually bugging us so we know what each other really wants from the other.
All this being said our relationship isn’t perfect and I don’t want you reading this to think it is all sunshine and roses here because it is defiantly not. However, we are doing our best and are always finding new ways to improve it. Everyones relationships are different so what works for us doesn’t always work for others but if you have any tips on what works for you and your partner please leave a comment letting me know.
Hope this helps you if your relationship is needing a little something. I think its completely normal to have to work a little harder on it sometimes.