Warning: This may be a trigger. I am going to discuss miscarriage.
As you know we found out we were pregnant a 2 of weeks ago but had a bleed soon after finding out. If you haven’t read my previous TTC blog (linked here) before continuing to read this. We have since been continuing to have blood tests to track how my HCG numbers to indicate how my pregnancy has been going.
Carrying on from my previous post. We went back again after another 48 hours to find my numbers had doubled again going from 147-266. We were over the moon. My bleeding and cramping had stopped things were looking up. Our doctors then decided that we would wait 6 days before testing my levels again and as long as my levels were over 1000 they would also scan me to finally date my pregnancy. We were so excited, even the nurse was pretty confident we would get a scan and our numbers would go up plenty by then.
All week I felt so good about my results I was sure everything was going up. Something change Friday. I wasn’t so sure everything was going to be okay. I had this weird gut feeling I couldn’t shake. After having my blood drawn we went down to the hospital cafe to get something to eat and kill the 2 hours in between the blood draw and getting the results. While we were waiting I was sick. Daddy bear tried to convince me that was a good sign but I still had this weird feeling. It started to become a pain.
After the 2 hours we headed up, they sat up in this little room on our own. As soon as the nurse come in I knew it wasn’t good news. I don’t remember most of what she said I just know that my numbers only went up by 22 and that they wanted to scan me anyway to see what was going on.
During the scan everything was silent. We started
“I’m so sorry but I can’t find any pregnancy…” the room went silent. She continued to talk but I couldn’t hear her. They then took us round to another room to go through what the next step was for us. She informed us that it looked like we were having a miscarriage.
We were losing our baby. I was having another miscarriage. What did I do wrong to have to go through
The bleeding and cramping started again but 1000x times worse than before. I’ve been unable to do anything due to the pain. I hate this.
I then had to go back again this morning to check my numbers were dropping enough for the miscarriage to not need any intervention. Our numbers dropped to 108 in 48 hours. So we are now waiting for a plan of action from our doctors regarding the miscarriage and checking my body is failing us again correctly.
I really hoped this wouldn’t happen. I feel like I’ve let everyone down, our family was so excited to welcome another baby into our family and I’ve let them down because I’ve miscarried again. I don’t regret sharing our good news and telling everyone about the baby. I just wish my body hadn’t failed us again.
Miscarriage is the worse thing I’ve ever been through and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Hopefully