Hey Lovelies, welcome back to my weekly check in where I give you a run down of how our week has been and just check in with all my wonderful readers.
First I can’t believe we are nearly in February… WHAT, this month is flying by considering we can’t do anything. We have had a quiet week really. I had work 3 days and if I wasn’t working we was attempting homeschooling. However, this week has revolved very much around infertility and me struggling mentally.
At the start of the week I booked my HyCoSy scan for next week so naturally I have had that on my mind all week. I have tried not to think about what this means for us but yesterday I had to go through baby bears baby clothes (The bag they were in spilt onto of my wardrobe). Which meant I couldn’t hide my head in the sand anymore. I’m sure I’m not the only person going through secondary infertility who hordes baby items… Well at least I hope I’m not. I am slowly going through everything I have kept from baby bear and getting rid of bits I know we won’t use again. My hardest thing is clothing. I seem to have the urge to go through them every 6 months wish and every time I get rid of a few more items which I’m proud about. I have gone through 15 bags to 2 boxes of outfits we want to use again and that were important ones from baby bear.
But of course, sorting out the clothes lead to a hard and upsetting conversation with Daddy bear on what’s gonna happen if they tell us they can’t help us and we don’t have anymore pregnancies. As always after many tears, a hard conversation and heartache we are no closer to a decision. I know there is no rush but its hard to want 1 thing more than anything and not know how we are going to get there. I kind of hope after our scan we know where we stand and it makes it easier.
I have also just felt like homeschooling, work, home life is just closing in around me and I can’t keep up. I have housework coming out of my earlobes and I never have any energy after work to do it. I feel like I’m failing baby bear and homeschooling because myself and daddy bear are still working and I can’t sit with him everyday all day and do it with him. I know I’m not the only one struggling all us parents are and the most heartbreaking bit is how this is affecting our little people.
The last thing I want to share in this weeks weekly check in is our very exciting news. After being together for just over 8 years, engaged for just over 5 years, we have finally booked our date for the wedding. I will be sharing more at a later date so keep your eye out.
Thank you for reading this weekly check in and listening to me just moan mainly. Hopefully next week is better but lets be honest I keep saying this don’t I and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier at the moment. I hope you are all having a better time than us and not struggling to much with what’s going on in the world right now. Please remember I am always here to listen if you want to talk about anything. Keep your chin up and we will get through all of this. See you all Wednesday x